Funny gifts for coworkers have to clear a higher bar than gifts for friends. They must be funny to the recipient, inoffensive to HR, appropriate to someone whose surname you may not know, and under the spending limit someone set in an email you did not read. The Bureau has administered workplace gift exchanges since the first scribe was asked to chip in for a tablet. These are the office gift ideas that pass review, most of them under $30.
The rules of a good coworker gift
Before the list, the Records Office's standing guidance:
- Stay under the limit. For office Secret Santa the usual figure is $15 to $30. Exceeding it is showing off; falling short is an act of war. Both are recorded.
- Joke about work, not the person. Meetings, reply-all, the office fridge and the printer are fair game. Someone's appearance, age or private life is not.
- Make it usable at a desk. A coworker gift that lives at work is a gift they see every day. One they must carry home on the train is a burden.
- Prefer things that can be shown around. The best office gifts get passed from desk to desk before lunch.
Office gift ideas under $10
1. A single clause, printed and pinned
The cheapest gift on this list and often the most quoted. Print one clause from the Bureau's office register, put it in an envelope, and leave it on their keyboard:
Any meeting that could have been an email shall be recorded as time served and deducted from the Colleague's eternal sentence.
The phrase "per my last email" is recognized by the Bureau as a minor curse and may be cast no more than twice per fiscal quarter.
Screaming is permitted during office hours only (9 AM to 5 PM, Hellfire Standard Time).
2. A lunch protection order
A label for the office fridge, plus the clause: "A lunch labeled and placed in the office refrigerator is protected by ancient wards. The Bureau accepts no liability for what befalls anyone who eats it." Add a lunch bag if you want to reach $10.
3. The Certified Copy of a filed office treaty
About US$7 from the Company Store: a sealed, numbered PDF of a contract you have drawn up, a copy with blank signature lines for signing in person, and a phone wallpaper. Delivered after purchase, so it suits remote colleagues and anyone who forgot the exchange was today.
Office gift ideas from $10 to $30
4. A Cubicle Concord, signed and printed
The Bureau's office treaty, filed as the Cubicle Concord, binds two colleagues on matters of the kitchen, the inbox and the meeting room. Its consideration is twelve coffees, correctly ordered. Its standard clauses include the reply-all ban:
Neither party shall reply-all to a company-wide email. Violations will be read aloud at the next all-hands and entered in the Bureau's permanent record, which is very permanent.
Draft it for free on the filing desk, have your desk mate countersign, then order the unframed print: about US$29, matte paper, made to order in five to seven days, shipped free to the US, EU, UK, Canada and Australia. Pinned to a cubicle wall, it is the rare office gift that improves conduct.
5. A mug with a mild threat
Any plain mug and a paint pen. Recommended inscriptions: "Coffee, correctly ordered" or "This mug is protected by ancient wards." Under $15.
6. A desk plant that is difficult to kill
A snake plant or pothos, labeled with a tag reading "Entered into the record. Do not let it die." Under $20, and it outlives most reorganizations.
7. Good coffee or tea
Consumable, universally welcome, no shelf space required. Attach a clause about who refills the machine.
For Boss's Day
Boss's Day falls on October 16. The traditional gift is a card signed by the whole team. The Bureau has codified it:
On Boss's Day, the Colleague of the Second Desk shall receive one (1) card signed by the whole team, in handwriting that grows noticeably less enthusiastic toward the bottom. Each signature is binding for eternity.
Print that clause, sign it as a team, and frame it. A framed print is about US$64 in a black wooden frame, so split across a team of four or more it lands under $30 a head. Keep it affectionate. The boss is still the boss.
For a farewell or a work anniversary
- A leaving contract. Draft a short treaty releasing the departing colleague from all future meetings, while binding them to answer one (1) panicked message about where a file is saved. Everyone signs.
- A work-anniversary filing. A certificate-style contract recognizing years of service, with a clause about the stapler they have kept since onboarding.
- The framed version, if the team is chipping in.
The splurge: the Office Moth tee
For the colleague who wears black on purpose and stays late in the archive, the Bureau's Garment Department issues the Office Moth: a black Gildan 5000 cotton tee with a small wax-seal crest on the chest and an envelope-winged moth across the back, sizes S to 2XL. It is sold through Etsy via the Company Store, where the current price is shown before checkout; check it against your exchange limit before committing. It suits a close desk mate better than a Secret Santa draw, since sizing a stranger is a gamble.
Gifts the Bureau does not approve
- Anything that comments on a body, a diet or an age.
- Joke gifts that create work for someone else, such as glitter.
- Anything that requires the recipient to explain it to HR.
- A scented candle, unless the exchange has explicitly asked for one. See the Secret Santa contract for the relevant penalties.
Frequently asked questions
What is a good funny gift for a coworker?
Something that jokes about shared work life rather than the person: meetings that should have been emails, the reply-all button, the office fridge. A signed office treaty such as the Cubicle Concord does this directly, and printed or pinned to a desk it stays funny long after the exchange ends.
How much should you spend on a coworker gift?
For an office Secret Santa or gift exchange, $15 to $30 is the usual range, and the agreed limit should be followed exactly. For a close desk mate, a little more is acceptable. For a boss, a group gift split across the team is better than one person spending heavily.
What is a good gift for a remote coworker?
Something digital or shipped directly. A contract can be drafted and countersigned by link, the Certified Copy PDF (about US$7) arrives after purchase, and prints ship free to the US, EU, UK, Canada and Australia, so the paper can go straight to their home address.
What can I give my boss on Boss's Day?
A card signed by the whole team is the tradition. The Bureau's version is a framed clause, signed by everyone, recognizing the boss on October 16. A framed print costs about US$64, which a team of four or more can split comfortably under $30 each.
For gifts outside the office, see the Bureau's best friend gift ideas.